Where Else Will They Learn to Struggle? (#722)
The coronavirus and Wayne's return from Oklahoma start off this podcast, until the get to a new term being thrown around—lawnmower parents. These parents are way more aggressive than the "helicopter" parents you may have heard of and, they will go to whatever lengths necessary to prevent their child from facing any adversity, struggle, or failure. Is that a good thing. What happens to adults who have never learned as children to face adversity or anxiety head-on and overcome it? Wayne's daughter, Julie, joins him for this fascinating romp through the latest fad in parenting as they consider the question of whether it is loving to let your children face a struggle you could prevent. The implications of this go way beyond parenting to how we view God. If we think our struggles are proof that God doesn't love us or care about us, we'll be sorely disillusioned as we navigate our way through a broken world.
Podcast Notes:
Lawnmower Parents
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Previous podcasts with Julie
If You Can Help Us in Kenya
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I think, for many of the instances, the “Lawnmower Parenting” is just the symptom of motivational issues with the parents. Guilt, shame, and fear within the parents distort the ability to manage expectations for either themselves or their children.
I have the fortune of being in a much better financial situation than my parents were. I recognized that I was giving my children much more than I received. Especially in high school and college it was a real challenge to find the right balance. Due to many circumstances, my parents were unable pay for any of my college. I did pay for a large portion of my kid’s college fees. It was a challenge to understand the right balance. I want to give to my kids, but I also expect them to mature and be self-sufficient. I did set the expectation for all my kids that they had to work while at college to provide their own spending money. This was not the norm. One of my daughters really struggled with the fact that she had to work but none of her friends did.
I have a theory. When enough people give into the guilt and shame, greed of others starts to take advantage of the guilt and shame. For example, the cost kids sports programs preys on the parents to conform. Part of the reason the cost of colleges has skyrocketed is the colleges know they have the deep pockets of parents to who will keep paying.
Religion does not help break this cycle, since religion uses guilt and shame to maintain conformity.
(From Wayne): I understand that the term Lawnmower Parenting has mostly been used by schools about parents, and is only now leaking into the parent community. Fear and shame can distort many things, and you’re right. How can religion help us fix it, when they are the chief purveyors of it?
Wonderful!!! I was just saying to the Lord this morning. “I know there’s something you could do to destroy this virus and the fear that goes with it but I do not remember anywhere in the Bible where you said that’s what you would do to these epidemics and contagious diseases. But you did say, “Be of good cheer, I have overcome the world” . And I think that’s why we are overcomers. The great overcomer lives in us and He will take us through and give us more and more wisdom as we go! I have seen great healings in my life in Christ and then I have seen things not healed….so we keep going…one step at a time…TRUSTING! Living where I live is really tough right now. 50 elderly people in one building. A 6 page notice on all the precautions we must take! Fear is all around me. And I have had a tendency to be a germ a phobic! If I do not trust God through this…well…I sure wish He would just send fire and burn it out of the atmosphere and be done with it along with the fear. I love being in situations where I know I need to trust God!!!!I’m going to grow through this…My comfort has been interrupted….How dare they!!!! 😉 Thank you Wayne and Julie for a great podcast! Love you both!!! Make us all teachable about your LOVE Abba, in Jesus’ name!!!