Willing to Live At Risk (#693)

Brad's back and he thinks he may have the gift of detachment, not from the podcast, but from people and situations that grow toxic. That launches he and Wayne into a discussion about when is it appropriate to exit a relationship and keeping our hearts open to re-engage should something change. Toxicity often comes from someone's desire for control, brought on by their fears and insecurity. Needing to take control is often the source of sin, but growing trust will allow us to be more comfrotable living at risk in the world, and by doing so more aware of the ways in which God works.

Podcast Notes:
If You Can Help Us in Kenya

7 Comments

  1. This latest podcast spoke to me so much. It’s one of the biggest parts of the “old me” that I can’t seem to shake. The need to be understood…this inward scream that wants to jump up and defend myself until at last ‘they’ say, “ok, I get you. And I understand why…”. And I am jealous for this “gift of detachment “ Brad speaks of! Lol I get that we are allowed to walk away from relationships where we aren’t understood and just let those go, so to speak (still love them, but not be attached to them), but what about when it’s family? What about when it’s in a relationship with an adult child that you’ve always been so close to? What about when detachment isn’t a possibility nor a desire? How do you let go of the need to be understood so that the relationship which you value so deeply can go on as usual without feeling an awful breech? I’ve always tended to have the need to rescue in situations like I’m in (especially with my child). I will sacrifice myself at the cost of my own heart or desires just to make the situation ‘easy’ for someone else, while feeling miserable in the process (martyrdom?) But I’m learning boundaries! And I’m starting to get pretty good at setting them, even though boundaries in what used to be boundary-less situations really pisses people off! I’m still pushing through and holding my ground. But that inward scream (and often crying about it when I’m alone) still goes on that desperately wants to be understood. Praying that will someday soon go away, and that real freedom from that will come. Love this podcast & love you guys. Nice to hear you back, Brad.

    • (From Wayne) Hi Deena. Situations are always made worse when they are family. In fact, some of the relationships Brad and I are talking about our family. Detachment doesn’t mean you ignore them or don’t care any longer, it’s not letting the toxicity infiltrate your heart. And, no that isn’t easy. The only way I know to find peace there is to know our acceptance is in Jesus and just because others are willing to lie about you, doesn’t make them right. I have people I deeply love, whom I’ve had to take some distance from because they are so abusive. Detachment is not lack of concern. You can still love and hope for better days ahead. You don’t say what happened between you and your son, but if you were close in the past, I suspect that will come back someday. Put him in the lap of Jesus and find your place their too. Let his love become more real to you than whatever is going on with him. Some times love works best from a distance until they are ready to open their hearts again. However this works out I pray God’s comfort will overwhelm you and you’ll leave the future of that relationship in his hands and not beat yourself up over it. With love and prayers, Wayne.

  2. Hi guys! This conversation could not have been more timely for me! I’m in the process of wanting to let God unpack some misconceptions I’m learning that I’ve had, about what real friendship equals. I love the statement made at the beginning about how “loving someone does not make you responsible for them”. Thanks for sharing!
    Wayne, I love you response to Deena! Those are healing suggestions I intend to heed! This is another area where living loved equals an invitation to rest – deeper rest than what we’ve previously known…and that’s a grand thing to discover and enjoy! – Janelle Mast (from Ohio) 🙂

    • (From Wayne) Hi Janelle. Always great to hear from you and the bunch back there. I’m glad this was helpful to you and came at a good time. Relationships are messy. I guess God knows that better than the rest of us. I like to think we can love lavishly without becoming a doormat for someone else’s abuse. It’s not easy, but that may be a part of loving our enemies. Blessings!

      • I kinda think that messy relationships tend to bring out those areas where we are unknowingly living less loved, which is not such a bad thing, ‘cause then we can let the lavish love of our forever friend and Father be our remedy.
        I joked with a friend last night that it comes down to “we gotta know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em, know when to walk away, know when to run”! 🙂

  3. Question for the Life Stream crew: Any good devotionals for couples that anyone knows of. Hope everyone’s journey is going well!!

  4. Oh my. This is my relationship with my sister and my parents, all of whom are in “ministry” full time and I have disappointed and let down according to them, chases them tot eye to understand, etc. “ I am not owned by their perception of me”- yes Wayne! I have gone to God and asked those questions, and feel free for the first time in years, but sometimes the situation in which I have had to detach makes me sad because I think of how badly I want them to understand or to even try to understand. But- there are no honest conversations, no effort to understand, no way for me to “fix it” unless I disrespect myself and what God has said to me and to my family. It’s really helpful for me to hear that you guys have been through these types of things too and I’m not alone. My counselor has helped me so much to understand codependent behaviors and how to recognize and break those patterns. They are so blinded by religious beliefs and religious thoughts they will not have a conversation with me that goes anywhere other than how wrong I am, and to just almost worship my sister because she has the mindset that they do but she has pretty much rejected me. Im grateful to find hear this today to help me not feel so alone in it.

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