Setting a Course for Life (#709)
Arnita Taylor, coauthor of A Language of Healing for a Polarized Nation joins Wayne's daughter, Julie for a conversation about mothering and about instilling the values that will serve your children for a lifetime. What they talk about goes way beyond mothering to consider the life skills we all need to be fruitful people in a hurting world. If we didn't get them from our parents, we'll need God and others to teach us. Join them as they talk about reaching out to marginalized people, being thankful, how difficult parenting can be, and about setting a course for your own life, so someone else doesn't set it for you.
Podcast Notes:
A Language of Healing
Previous Podcasts with Arnita
Email Arnita
Previous Podcasts with Julie
Email Julie
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Liked the idea of not using love as a weapon and withdrawing it when our kids make mistakes. That’s when they need our love the most. But it’s also important that we don’t save them from the natural consequences of their mistakes so that they learn the lesson which will help them grow. I’ve been learning about unconditional love in parenting at realloveparents.com.
Ohhh! This was wonderful! I want to share it with my children and everyone! Ist of all, Whenever I hear Anitra speak I think of something that went on in my childhood. I’m not sure I understand the book but I surely understand her when she speaks on these pod casts. When I was little, in elementary school, we lived on the border of 2 towns. One was known to be a rich town with rich people and one not. Not sure why but I went to school on the rich side. We were NOT rich. Every day at the bus stop I got bullied. Starting in Kindergarten. Well, around the corner from us were some African American people. I got friendly with them. I would ride my bike after school to play with them…a girl named Roberta! And a boy named David! I never noticed their color……they were nice to me…..we played well together. But I guess some of the town’s people got to my mother. And she say me down and told me I couldn’t play with them anymore because people were talking. Now this was the late 40’s. And I also want to say that I had the most wonderful mother anyone could have had….and there’s a lot that goes with that which I won’t get into….I surely did not understand why I couldn’t play with them anymore…..but I obeyed of course at that age….Skip on to adult hood and my mother and I accepted Jesus at the same time! And guess what….the first Christian she latched on to was a beautiful black lady named Olivia….they were best friends until Olivia passed. They must be enjoying each other in heaven right now! I love it!!!! And I never forgot Roberta and David! I can still see their faces. And then what Anitra said about parenting. I was reminded how the LORD also told me, how my children were loved by Him and I was the vessel who had the honor of bringing them into this world. I needed that. I have lots of reasons to feel guilty about not being the perfect parent to them but I love knowing that God is in them and with them and He IS the perfect parent to all of us….it takes such a load off to know we can commit them to Him. “We know whom we have committed and He is able to keep that which we have committed unto Him against that day”. I loved this podcast! Thanks for reminding me just how blessed I am….because of Jesus!
Were our parents the exact parents we were meant to have? Idk. My mother was an alcoholic and had abusive boyfriends. Although she did many good things there were many damaging memories.
I struggle to think I’m the exact parent my kids are meant to have…I fail so often. I liked what Arnita said that “I’ll pay for your counseling” lol. That comforts me that I can offer to pay for my kids counseling ha ha! I think I believe the lie that parenting isn’t the hardest thing and then I let myself down so often like I should be able to do this. I feel I suck at it too often but I guess I expect more of myself? I wish I could be perfect for my kids…I feel they deserve that. I liked what Arnita said about how we just hope we don’t get in the way or hinder what God has created for them but watch what God does with them…yet I feel I do get in the way:(.
I wish I was better…not sure what will help that.
I believe God created my children and I to have a most beautiful relationship but I don’t know what that looks like exactly, don’t think I had that modeled for me and pray maybe I can watch what He created a mother daughter relationship to be as I yield and align with the Spirit in raising my girls. I also pray to see how God created siblings to love one another and even our marriage as I did not see that growing up. I pray my heart will be open to receiving how God created family to be and not put up walls in disbelief.
I hear sometimes of Wayne talking about how his wife and daughter Julie talk so often…I wonder what that would be like to have a mom relationship and hope and hope and pray my girls will be able to have that with me.
Encouraged about letting our kids make decisions and be able to learn from mistakes in a home of love first before going out in their own.
Thankful for these podcasts.
Victoria, I love your hear there. I think it’s important to remember the context in which Arnita said that. God was speaking to her to get her to relax in raising her kids, I don’t know that it’s a principle that applies to everyone. Certainly, God did make us to be the parents our kids needed most, but I also think evil can find a way in to destroy that as with abusive or addicted parents. At their core nature, it might still be true, but evil twisted that into something destructive.
If you love your kids and are just present with them, without trying to control their lives, particularly as they get older, you’ll find that relationship you most seek with your girls. Just don’t let the fear of not having it guide you here. Just let the hope of Christ-in-you, shape how you respond with your kids. Love them as Father loves you, honor the gifts in their life, lead them with gentle honesty, a heart of compassion, and by offering them better roads to go down than their selfish self will take them.
There will be good days and bad days in the process but in the end, relationship will win out.
Thank you Wayne for encouragement, I have had a couple encouraging days mothering since writing this…just more rest and peace. Thank you for the reminder of not letting fear of not having that relationship guide me…
One day I was walking with my girls and we were smiling, chatting, and I told them how thankful we have this time and making good memories together…which reminded me of not having good memories in my childhood with my upbringing. It made me think… “this is too good to be true” and it was like the Spirit spoke to me, “It is good and it is true but not too good to be true…it’s the kingdom of heaven”.
It’s really weird experiencing something God created for family for the first time…my parents divorced, my husband’s parents divorced…it’s taken years for walls to be let down to receive the good and true available in the Kingdom of Heaven.
Thankful for the encouragement to love my children in gentle honesty and as the Father loves me with acceptance, and unconditional love.
I can trust that where I feel weak His power may be made perfect and may I yield and watch His love flow through me to parent my kids as He created.