Masculinity and Femininity (#811)

How much of our gender confusion today results from warped stereotypes of masculinity and femininity? Tessa Van Wade, the author of Out of The Shadows, joins Wayne and Kyle for a discussion about what young men and women need to hear to help them claim their own God journey. How different is that for young men and young women?  They soon find themselves in a conversation about expectations for both genders, especially in a religious construct, and how confining they can be on an individual level. Stereotypes are often used to foment fear and to conform people to the expectations of others, making them less authentic in their own relationship with God. They talk about moving away from the culture of fear so that we can truly see someone for who they are and discover what it is to love them.

Podcast Notes:
Facebook Page for planning a gathering of twenty and thirty-somethings
Book Trailer for Out of the Shadows  •  Order Out of the Shadows at or Blue Sheep Media
Tessa Van Wade's website
Past Podcasts with Kyle
My Friend Luis, the podcast
Order Wayne's new book Live Loved Free Full


  1. Wow, that was very helpful in being able to engage with the “underlying layers” of “Out of the Shadows”.
    Doug & I have been reading this as a ‘bedtime story’ & without the background you gave in this conversation Wayne , Tessa & Kyle, I have really struggled to “see” the imagery..
    Thanks for the light. 🙂

  2. I grew up in the 80s and 90s which felt like the end of innocence, in a sense. I was a huge tomboy, but I was allowed to be a tomboy. There was no question as to my sexuality simply because I didn’t like dresses, preferred being outside, etc. I sense that kids these days don’t get that (I don’t have children of my own). If a girl is a tomboy, suddenly society overcompensates and further confuses her by suggesting that she may in fact be a lesbian (and maybe she is dealing with same sex attraction, or maybe she just likes being a tomboy). Although I have had very little experience with young people, I have seen and wondered in some cases if they’re experimentation with being gay/lesbian or bisexual (I’m so far behind on any of the newer terms) is they’re version of a rite of passage, or in some cases an expression of compassion and standing up for those that genuinely do deal with same sex attraction. Sort of like “bearing arms together”. I don’t know if that makes sense.

    Either way, our young people are growing up in such a confusing time, whether they’re questioning they’re own sexuality or not, and I don’t envy them such a childhood. It’s lost so much playfulness and innocence, hasn’t it? At least it seems that way to me, so maybe it just means I’m getting old, ha!

    • Thanks Danielle. I’m glad you grew up in a freer time. Getting hormonal youth to sort out their gender and identity in a social-media driven age with their peer is a dangerous brew. How I wish they could just have the innocence of youth without being judged by simply sorting out their personality. However, I also know that some of the struggle here is deep and results in young people committing suicide over what people say of their perceived gender identity or sexual orientation. It’s too bad our society isn’t in a better place to wrestle this through for the good of the youth. It’s just not and the result is great devastation, a lot of it caused by religious voices…

      • Here in New Zealand the government is seeking to legislate to prevent parents seeking to influence their child’s sexual orientation, at the same time as they are requiring schools to begin introduce sexuality & gender orientation to children at the abc level of classes. 🙁

        • That’s so tragic, Jo. It is sad that because some parents are abusive toward their nonconforming children, that the state inserts itself as a better parent on these incredibly complicated issues. Abuse is abuse, even in the name of religious convictions. You don’t have to supersede parents with the power of the state for having a different worldview.

  3. I have to agree with you, Wayne. It’s a subject near and dear to me, which I didn’t convey very well in my original comment. But I know at least a few people in just my small world that felt they had to hide same sex attraction struggles because they felt those around them wouldn’t understand (and why would they when it’s considered acceptable to joke about homosexuality, etc—tragic—or not addressed in the pulpits that they’re very own members could be struggling, etc.). It’s a huge topic to try and talk about, but gender confusion is certainly something I’m trying to grapple with and “catch up” and try and understand how to be compassionate and help because it just wasn’t something I had to face. And yes, I watched the documentary on social media (you and Kyle did a podcast on it awhile back) that Netflix aired and was sobered to hear the rate that suicides have risen since it’s grown in popularity. It’s like a perfect storm of chaos our young people have to maneuver through. May we be listening and available to help our young people when the time comes calling.

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