Love, Rest, and Play in Father’s Parenting (#872)
Authoritative parenting has been the order of the day for most evangelical Christians, and the real damage is the conclusion that God uses those same tactics with us. Kyle and Wayne talk about some of the latest concerns about abusive parenting cultures and contemplate how so much of what is unhealthy not only finds its way into our parenting styles but also distorts our view of God's activity in our lives. More transformation occurs through love, rest, and play inside a real relationship with God than can ever happen in fear and conformity.
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Seven Rules of Unhealthy Adult-Child Group Systems, compiled by Jane Bluestein, Ph.D.
- Adults are the masters of the dependent child.
- Adults determine in a godlike fashion what is right and wrong.
- The child is held responsible for the anger of adults.
- [Adults] must always be shielded.
- The child's life-affirming feelings pose a threat to the autocratic [adult].
- The child's will must be "broken" as soon as possible.
- All this must happen at a very early age so the child "won't notice" and will not be able to expose the adults.
From “For Your Own Good: Hidden Cruelty in Child-Rearing and the Roots of Violence” by Alice Miller, p 59
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Surprised to see mention Alice Miller. I have browsed through a copy of The Drama of the Gifted Child. Do you know if that is the same Alice Miller?
I have no idea. I’ve not done any research into the source of that material. Time is very limited during our current travels. I’m sorry I can’t be more helpful here.
Yes, she wrote several great books. You can check out the list on Wikipedia or Amazon, etc. These ideas have revolutionized my life over the past 35 years along with many others.
Alice Miller, Psychologist (Swiss)
Wow. This one resonated. Sounds like my childhood even if not totally intentional by my parents. For me, “Shielding the adult” was a verbalized instruction “don’t do anything to embarrass me.” And add, “if you do, don’t tell anyone. Hide it”. Add some shaming in there too of course. ? Limit the amount of HEALTHY nurturing and you have a pretty potent cocktail.